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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22532272">Little Struggles</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ThatsNotMe'>ThatsNotMe (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Embarrassment, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Hatred, Trans Male Character, Trans Oikawa Tooru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:13:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,268</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22532272</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ThatsNotMe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>- just another trans iwaoi fic -</p><p>discontinued n orphaned cuz i didn't like it but i'm leaving it here just because, sorry to whoever was waiting 4 continuation but there was no plan for it anyway</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Little Struggles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They have been dating for quite some time now. It wasn’t easy, and sometimes Iwaizumi had to be very careful with the things he said and did around Oikawa, as if the boy was a super rare, wild animal, easy to startle, but it was extremely rewarding nevertheless, and the moments in which he managed to make Oikawa feel relaxed around him felt as if all the hard work had paid off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s hard to pinpoint the moment their friendship turned into something more, as they were very close ever since they met in middle school, and it always felt natural and right for Iwaizumi to deepen their bond step by step, but if he had to pick, he would probably say that one spring night, the night his warm feelings towards the boy started to gradually turn into this burning fascination, desire for always more and never having enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a late Friday evening after practice. Iwaizumi was already walking home, when he realised, that had left his phone charging in a changing room. He quickly made his way back to the school and noticed with relief, that the lights at the gym were still on, which meant, that Oikawa had not yet left. It was not surprising, to be honest. Oikawa almost always stayed behind, cleaning up the gym, and going to shower already after all of his teammates have already gone home. In the past Iwaizumi tried to keep him company, but after sensing the apprehension from the other boy, he stopped insisting without a fuss. He figured, that Oikawa had to have his reasons, and didn’t push it any further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Iwaizumi quickly made his way up the stairs to the changing room and opened the door. He took a step inside, and sure enough, Oikawa was inside. He was standing shirtless in front of a locker and looking for something inside it. Iwaizumi turned his eyes to the power outlet, but quickly look back at the boy in front of him and down, at the white bandage on his chest. What the heck? Was Oikawa hurt? He hadn’t known anything about it though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clueless, Oikawa frowned at the locker and turned around to the bag laying at the bench behind him, but halted in the middle of his motion having noticed Iwaizumi standing in the doorway. His eyes first filled with surprise, and then with terror right after, having caught on with the situation. His hands automatically went up to cover his chest and he took a step back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Iwa-cha-an...? What...?” he trailed off for a while and then something in his face switched. Iwaizumi wouldn’t bet a penny on it, but he vaguely associated the grimace on Oikawa’s face with an artificial smile, and the boy tried again. “Iwa-chan, what are you still doing here?” He hesitantly stepped ahead to his bag. “Turn around, I’m gonna change” he said as he bent down and started frantically roaming through his bag. Iwaizumi just stood there, watching the boy in front of him and trying to understand his weird behaviour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oikawa? ...is something wrong?” The boy didn’t react, but his movements became more erratic. Iwaizumi waited for an answer, and when it didn’t come he frowned and took a step towards the boy. “Oi, Shittykawa. What the heck are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that, the boy started throwing things out of his bag. “Nothing, Iwa-chan.” Sniffle. “I just...” something heavy hit the floor, but Oikawa didn’t stop to look. “...can’t find my T-shirt.” Iwaizumi looked at his friends trembling hands and then behind him, at his plain, white T-shirt hanging over the locker door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi tried again and approached the boy in two quick steps. “What’s going on?” he asked, as he grabbed Oikawa by the shoulders and held him in place. “Look at me.” He felt Oikawa tremble under his hands and surprised looked at the red, teary face in front of him, that was still looking down at the bag, as if still stuck in the searching state and hadn’t caught up with the situation. Iwaizumi took in the unfocused, watery eyes and runny nose, and then slowly looked down to the boy’s neck and collar bones and then further, to his bandaged chest. Then up at the face again. He exhaled slowly. “Ok. Oikawa, look” he reached behind the boy “here’s your T-shirt, see? How about we put it on, hm?” The boy sniffled, but other than that, didn’t communicate in any way, that he had heard his friends words. Iwaizumi waited for a while, but when the answer didn’t come, he moved the T-shirt slowly up. At that, Oikawa lifted his hands, probably acting on autopilot, and let Iwaizumi put the shirt on him. While it was over Oikawa’s face, Iwaizumi stole one more glance at the boy’s chest, but averted his gaze quickly, feeling as if he had invaded the boy’s privacy, despite not having yet fully grasped the meaning of the situation he had unintentionally threw himself into.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the shirt was on, Oikawa dropped his hands back down and stood there motionlessly, trying to still his breathing and sniffling every so often, while Iwaizumi quickly collected Oikawa’s things from the floor, where he previously threw them in distress and grabbed the boy’s jacket from the locker. He looked back at the boy and sighed. “Oi, Oikawa. Cooperate.” he said, as he went to the power outlet and took his phone. “Put your shoes on, will you, and let’s go home. We’re both tired.” The boy obeyed silently. Iwaizumi watched awkwardly as Oikawa slowly laced his shoe, then sighed again and took a step forward, but stopped hesitantly. When he didn’t see Oikawa make any distressed move, he slowly bent down and lace the other shoe. Once he was done, he stayed down, feeling his friend’s eyes on top of his head. When he looked up, he was met with an intense gaze staring at him from a flushed-red face. He got startled when his heart skipped a beat, but he made a conscious decision  not to analyse the events from this evening until later, when he’s home alone and can let his mind wander, which he’s not actually quite sure he’s looking forward to – there’s a lot to process. Instead, he collects himself and rises to his feet. “Come on” he says, as he reaches a hand to Oikawa “Let’s get going.” Oikawa watches him a bit longer, then obediently takes the hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They close up the gym and start walking home shoulder to shoulder. After walking for couple of minutes in silence, which in other circumstances Iwaizumi would classify as comforting, but today is just delaying the inevitable conversation, he decides to say something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Iwa-chan, I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Iwaizumi stops in his words/steps and looks at the boy next to him, who's still walking straight ahead, with his head hanging low, and he wanders, if he didn’t just imagine him saying something. His doubts were cleared when Oikawa starts talking again. “I’m sorry about this... outburst, Iwa’-chan. I don’t know what happened to me. Can we just... like, pretend it didn’t happen? It’s not a big deal anyway, and it’s not like, you know, it changes anything. Because nothing actually happened, you know that, right? I was just... I don’t know, tired, I guess, and I just...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oikawa” Iwaizumi cut him off. “We don’t have to talk about... anything you don’t want to. But...” Oikawa looks at him hesitantly “You... Just know that I’m, like, always here... or whatever. Obviously. And if you want to talk or... you know... </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You can always tell me and, I will listen. Right. That’s what I’m trying to say.” He looks at Oikawa and frowns, not sure if he’s saying the right thing. “And nothing changes. Between us. Obviously.” He steals a glance at his friend, to check on him/his response. “But don’t you pull shit like this on me. Stupid. I didn’t know what was wrong with you.” And when there’s no answer “You hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oikawa returns the stare. “Okay, Iwa-chan. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And don’t apologise. Jesus, you’re annoying. There are always problems with you.” Iwaizumi groans, but there’s no anger on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They spend the rest of the way talking about trivial things. When they come to the point, where they would usually part ways, Iwaizumi turns in the direction of Oikawa’s home, on which Oikawa didn’t comment and kept on rambling about random volleyball-related stuff, smilingly having forgotten the incident from the changing room, but Iwaizumi, having known the boy for a long time, became very good at reading him and sensed the inefficiently masked tension in his words and uneasiness in his movements. Or the nervous glances at him every so often. Iwaizumi pretended not to notice anything and tried to make his friend as relaxed with his tone and the choice of topics as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The reached Oikawa’s house and stopped at the steps in front of the entrance. In Iwaizumi’s mind flashed a thought, that this situation looked like a scene from a romantic movie, right after a date, when it’s awfully obvious to everybody except the pair in question that they are about to kiss but both of them are too shy to make the first move, but Iwaizumi quickly pushed away the thought, because what the fuck?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation quickly died down, and they just stood there for a while without talking. Iwaizumi was the first to break the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should go. It’s already late, anyway. And you should go to sleep. It was... a long day. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” He looked expectantly at the other boy and frowned at the flash of panic on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to come inside? My parents aren’t home. And we could... Not that it matters. That my parents aren’t home, that is. Just... I don’t know why I said that. We can... I can make you supper and. We can play video games. Or maybe, if you want, I can...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi cut his friend’s mumbling short. “I don’t think that’s a good idea” he said slowly and studied the other boy’s face for any sign of distress. “It’s late and we’re both tired.” And then, when the boy answer “Get a good night sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?” No response. “Oikawa?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. We should... do that. You’re right. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already told you, didn’t I? Stop apologising for unnecessary things. I’ll see you tomorrow. Do you... maybe wanna grab coffee before classes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now it was Oikawa’s turn to furrow his brows. “Um... yeah. Sure. I mean... if you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would I ask if i didn’t, stupid?” Iwaizumi says, but smiles nevertheless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sor... Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a pause after that, as if neither of them wanted to say the final words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, okay then. See you tomorrow. “ Iwaizumi said, but didn’t move. “Are you... ok?” Oikawa looked him in the eyes and smiled faintly for the first time since they left the locker room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Iwa-chan. I’m ok. Goodnight.” He said and quickly turned around to go in the house. Not quickly enough though for Iwaizumi not to notice the smile quickly disappear, as if it was never there. He felt his heart sting and a strong need to reach ahead and pull the other boy into a long embrace and never let go. At this point, nothing is able to surprise him, so he accepts the thought for what it is. If he were to be honest with himself, he would drop the opportunity of good night sleep without a second of hesitation and follow his best friend inside his house, even with the awareness of not knowing what would happen there, but he just can’t shrug off the feeling, that if he did, the relationship between them will change forever, to the point of no return, and he just doesn’t think he’s ready for that. Whatever this “that” may be. It’s just all happening way too fast. Whatever this “it” may be. Anyway. It’s definitely a point, where he has to act wisely and with consideration, not blindly follow his instincts and hope for the best.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok then. Get a good night sleep.” he said. Again. “And we’re set for tomorrow morning. We start classes at 10, so I’ll pick you up at 8.30. And don’t be late because, I swear to God, I’m not waiting for your sorry, narcissistic ass for style your hair for half an hour.” And then, after consideration “Sleep well.” Just to be sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oikawa flashes a quick smile and disappears behind the door, leaving Iwaizumi looking at them for another couple of seconds before turning around and slowly making his way back home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment the door close behind Oikawa all his muscles refuse to function and he goes tumbling down to his knees. What the actual fuck was he thinking? Don’t mind the fact that Iwaizumi saw his binder. He was ready to out himself and his enormous crush for his best friend right then and there, fall straight into the boys arms and lead him into his bed and heart. His heart is beating like crazy. What was wrong with him? Oikawa hid his face in his hands and lets the tears go freely. He has to put physical effort into getting himself up from the floor and into his bed without bothering to turn on the lights and lets the darkness lull him into sleep.</span>
</p>
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